I Broke All the Rules

Today I was doing my usual routine. Hopped in the car with Brooke and Micah in just enough time to pull into the carpool line and pick up Emma from morning kindergarten. She got in the car and quietly said "My friends are going to the pool today. When do we get to go to the pool?" If you live in Colorado, you know how difficult a question this is. We don't know many people who have a pool and not many public pools are open yet. But it was a beautiful 80 degrees...
Let me say, I am not a spontaneous person. Especially when it comes to outings with the kids. I am normally armed with diapers, wipes, bottles, snacks, etc. But, I decided to be crazy. So, we took an impromptu trip to Walmart to buy a kiddie pool for the backyard. I had no makeup, sweats, and greasy hair pulled into a knot. Brooke had no shoes and a poopy diaper. I had no bottle or food for Micah. We went through the "10 item" line with 12 items in my basket. And we all had candy bars from the check out aisle for lunch. So, I broke all the "mom" rules. Did we all survive? Yes. A good way to start our summer? Definitely.


My Love Story

So, this morning was a great morning at church. I normally love church, but there are some mornings that stand out as special. Today was one.

We were in the midst of the worship service, singing "Yahweh". When we came to "Ancient One, so amazing..." I was struck by something. HE has been here FOREVER. Forever. That's a big word. He is a big God! I was imagining the angels all gathered around Him, telling Him how great He is. We were thousands gathered today worshipping Him, bowed to Him.

I was remembering what it was like to be in junior high or high school with a crush on the super popular guy. We had 2 kinds at my school. We had the super popular, hot guy who never dated anyone. He was too good or had strict parents that wouldn't let him date or he was too serious about sports, grades, etc. Then we had the super popular, hot guy who would date lots of girls. I remember how special I felt when he finally looked my way. Too bad that's as good as it got. After that look came heartache...does he really like me? Was he using me? Does he like her more than me? A "relationship" with that guy never ended well. For any girl. I remember when Brad and I were first starting our relationship. He was that super popular, hot guy in my grown-up world. I remember the feeling when I realized he was looking at ME. That giddy feeling in my stomach. Really? Me?

So, today I'm struck with the realization that God is looking my way...and He always has been. Here is this amazing, huge, God who has been here forever. Who has angels and millions of people bowing to Him. How amazing is it that He wants my attention? He waits patiently for me to return my gaze to Him. Then He shows me His love and gives me gifts and helps make me a better person. What a great love story. This one never ends and only gets better with time...


Mother's Day

So, yesterday was Mother's Day. Just another holiday that lands on a Sunday. I know for most people it's probably a great day to celebrate their moms, but for me this has always been one of the days that it's hard to be a pastor's wife.

I tend to build up holidays in my mind. Every December I have to remind myself to calm down, not to build up the anticipation of Christmas. If I'm not careful, I create visions in my head that are larger than life. Definitely larger than the reality of our life with 5 small children. Then I have to deal with the day after Christmas, when I'm teary and let down over the gift I didn't get or the reaction to the gifts I gave. Or the fact that we never end up playing board games. For some reason I feel like we should play board games on holidays. So, I repeat this pattern all year long. Anticipation of my birthday, our anniversary, vacations, and holidays. Especially Sunday holidays.

It's not that it's his fault. He's a pastor and pastors work on Sundays. So, every year I try to prepare myself for the let down. He'll be busy and my kids are too little, so it'll be a normal Sunday. He'll leave early in the morning and I will get everyone up, dressed, fed, me dressed (and fed if I'm lucky), diaper bags packed, everyone loaded in the car, everyone unloaded from the car, into the stroller, checked into class, do my trek through church to the 5 different classes to drop them off, sit through service, go to all 5 classes again for pick ups, loaded in the stroller, into the car, out of the car, into the house, quick lunches, and finally...naps. And that's just the "mom" part of my responsibilities. I'll go into the other "responsibilities" of a pastor's wife at another time! I'm not complaining. I love what we do and I love my kids. I feel the benefits far outweigh the cost. But on some days, like Mother's Day, it's hard.

This year was different. I was at home on Friday when a package arrived at my door. It was 2 dozen roses! What? What for? From who? Of course, from Brad. Happy Mother's Day to me! It turns out, they were supposed to arrive on Saturday for my surprise Mother's Day :) So, Saturday I woke up slowly and drank my coffee, checked my computer, watched the news from the comfort of my bed. Brad and the kids brought me breakfast. The kids brought me their gifts from school. Caleb had made a pin for me that he handmade, complete with 5 little beads in the middle. Emma made a plaster mold of her tiny little hand. The detail of her tiny fingernails and every crease on her petite hand brought tears to my eyes. Paige made a flower pot with plastic jewels pasted on it with her paper hand prints inside as the flowers. They each had a handmade card for me.

That time was priceless. The only Mother's Day I will ever have with my children at ages 7, 6, 4, 2 and 11 months. I loved every minute of it.

So, Sunday I awoke refreshed and rested. I felt so appreciated and loved. So, I didn't mind that he had to leave early. I didn't mind the work of my morning routine. I arrived at church ready to give of myself and ready to spend the day appreciating the moms in my life, especially my mom, who gives unconditionally and continually.

So, to my wonderful husband who made Mother's Day so special this year...thank you.



We live at the end of our subdivision, at a dead end. Behind our house is a large field (that will one day be filled with houses). There are horses and cows that graze there and the occasional antelope. I love it because I have a perfect view of the field when I'm doing dishes. Gotta love the simple things!

So, the other day, I'm doing dishes and I see Emma, my 6 yr old in the backyard by herself. I can't tell whether she's singing or talking to herself, but she has pulled some wild flowers (or weeds, as I like to call them) and is walking along the fence that separates our yard from the field. And as I'm watching her, I'm reminded of myself as a little girl.

I used to be such a romantic. I remember going up into the mountains with my family. I always loved the Aspen trees and the way they grow together like huge groupings of alfalfa sprouts. I would run into those trees and suddenly I was Anne of Green Gables on Prince Edward Island waiting for my beloved Gilbert to come and sweep me away. I used to make up songs and sing them, thanking God for the amazing creation all around me. Whenever we would drive down long stretches of road in the dark, I would look out and pretend we were driving over a long bridge, headed to some amazing island far away...

So, here I am in the present. I can't remember the last time I was driving somewhere and saw anything other than traffic and stoplights and the super slow person in front of me, keeping me from where I'm going. I do dream about vacations and beaches but am quickly reminded of how expensive it is and how much work it would be to get everyone packed and do I really want to spend that much time in a confined car with all of our kids? And, I definitely love my Brad, but when was the last time I thought of him as my knight in shining armor? It's been a while.

So, I guess I'm officially a grown up. Ugh.


The Beginning

So, I've been thinking of doing this for a while now. It's a strange thing, to think I can come here, jot down some thoughts and suddenly make it available for anyone to see. It's intimidating. I have, however, come to a realization that this isn't necessarily for you. It can also be for me. I find sometimes that I'm in the midst of laundry, mopping floors, changing diapers, disciplining children and I just want to say what I think. I want to say how I feel in that moment. So, here it is. A place where I can say what I thought in that moment. I hope not to offend, but I can also say that I'm not going to stress over how to say it. The last thing I need is one more thing to stress over! So, read if you want to, or, move along if you don't. And, since I'm opening this up as a place for honesty, please feel free to leave your comments!